Anonymous: So my friend has recently starting fucking this guy who she’s told me has a monstrous cock but won’t tell me who or show me pic, so she left her phone unlocked on the sofa while going to the bathroom and being curious I looked through her pics. She had dozens of this mouthwatering gigantic cock, a pic of him measuring and coming out at just short of 11 inches and thicker than a cock can, then I saw he’d sent a full body pic including face and to my horror saw it’s my younger brother. Kill me

abercrombee:

mens-rights-activia:

miss-jayjayy:

surprisebitch:

Yall gone learn not to snoop 😂

I like how even after knowing it’s your younger brother you still describe it as “mouthwatering”

^^^we’re not gonna unpack that. leave it be

wardenmcpherson:

lokispriestess:

nelyafinwes:

when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck

I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off

anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received

“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”

14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking

However you think this story will end is wrong

Why does this keep happening to him? Did the cars find out about Christine?!

ruinedchildhood:

assassinationtipsforladies:

greelin:

greelin:

i love my mother dearly but ability-wise she frightens me bc not only can she find 20 four leaf clovers within the span of like 2 minutes, everywhere, she can also write her name w/ both hands on a dry erase board or w/e at the exact same time and have both be a mirror image of one another

to add to this: i was making breakfast this morning and i hear “hey milo! look who came to say hello!” and, expecting like, a moth or a frog or something of that nature, i turn and she’s holding a snake

Yer ma’s a witch. Be nice to her

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